Altruism vs. Selfishness: What do you value more in life?

[Editor]

I was inspired to write this article by an ongoing discussion at GutFeel.com. I would specifically like to draw your attention to the post where dsha accuses garcons of being selfish. Garcons aptly replies that he is just being honest and being a little selfish is the key to success.

Altruism is the opposite of selfishness and as humans we have this specific capability to think beyond ourselves, to take care of our kith and kin and to serve humanity in general. India would not have been a free country but for the efforts of the likes of Mahatma Gandhi. How many NGO’s are there in the society which work on the same premise. Our society also respects and values the acts of unselfish behavior and deems them as morally correct. In fact, since childhood we are being conditioned by our parents and teachers to think about others first even when we might have to sacrifice our own happiness. But the question which I would like to raise here is that ‘Is selfishness morally incorrect?’

To answer this question correctly, let’s define what do we exactly mean by selfishness in the present context. Here we are talking of keeping the self above others, taking care of ones health, desires, and dreams, maintaining a healthy self-esteem not hurting others in the process. Lets not confuse selfishness with crimes like cheating, murder or other extreme cases.

Altruism in humans often results from both economic and biological needs. Thus cooperation and interdependence is considered necessary in a social context. Man is a social being, but can he contribute to the society if he himself is not self-sufficient and happy?

Let us consider an example to elaborate the context. Whenever you travel on an airplane, do listen intently to the safety instructions by the crew before the flight takes off. They insist that in case of emergency you put your own mask first even before proceeding to help a child. That does sound very selfish…but the logic is that you can’t help anyone else until you are yourself fully equipped. Similar is the case with relationships. You have to love yourself in order to be mature enough to love the other person.

Thus, from this perspective, my gutfeel is that it is not morally demeaning to be selfish. One has to exercise his/her free will and make choices that suit his/her needs. I might be sounding like a devil’s advocate but this is what I feel.

What is your gutfeel on the issue?

[garcons]

That is one beautiful topic to be discussed and i totally agree with Charu. I wouldnt say I'd be selfish all along, but yeah at times, i definately am. Leaving me aside, I'm sure there is this selfish person deep within that comes out on & off, and it's good in a way.

I'd like to hear views from a person who thinks we are in-correct.

[dsha9]

it in the human nature to be selfish, & i also think its not wong, but i think there are different attributes to it, it be moral & immoral. I want to be happym want a good job, what a good life that is selfish not immoral. Immoral may be thinking of yourself first when with others. e.g i had a friend in my group, everybody would think what will be conveninent for everybody but he'd rather do what is conveninent to him only. you can say it as an e.g, may be no the right way to explain but think you understand what i want to say

by the way can't you see garcons i was just teasing you earlier & you know it you selfish byatch

[garcons]

Yes Dsha, i very well know you were teasing and you werent serious, but this thread is not just about you & me, but instead being selfish in general.

[dsha9]

[Aditi77_k]

I think everyone is selfish to an extent and i agree with Charu that our society values those who are ready evn to sacrifice their lives for the sake of others. Think of a mother child relationship...the mother takes care of the child and puts its interest first even before her own...that is why we are indebted to our mothers.

But with regards to being selfish and thinking about oneself, i think it is absolutely necessary for a healthy personality.

[Editor]

[dsha9]

When you know that this particular person always thinks about him in the way that everybody will feel that this is not the right person to go out with, he will only go out with us because his other group is not inviting him, & when he is with other friends he won't even recognize us. Now how can i put this, he will only call if he has nothing to do, not because i or he is a good friend. When he's with you will act a good friend, but will always do things not as friend. Will expect everything from us but won't be 1% of a friend. By this i donnot feel hurt, i feel pitty & anger, & after all i always tell him what i feel on his face but still he will always be the same, & my other friends tell me not to tell him that on his face because he might feel hurt.

you know that these kind of people will always think of himself (selfishness where it becomes immoral). i specifically think that if you know these kind of people, you should avoid these people because after al you will be the one in anger & no matter what you say that ass won't change.

I donnot konw about you guys this is the selfisness i hate.

[Editor]

I can very well empathize with you dsha, we do come across such people in life and it really hurts when we find out that it is none other than our close friend. In this context selfishness implies taking advantage of the situation come what may. i would rather like to call this kind of behaviour as manipulative instead of pure selfish.

These people i feel are very unemotional as they don't care a damn about what others might think. And mind you, you cannot change anybody else but yourself. So instead of getting angry and letting the other person know on the face, it is better to let them be what they are...they will eventually face the music...at least you don't waste your emotions on them.

[anshulseth]

Ah! Nice topic.
Let me put my views on it..

Definition of selfishness: An act arising from a characteristic governed by concern for oneself.
Definition of Altruism: Unselfish Concern for the welfare of others.

There is a stark distinction in both of these above definitions.
In today's world, its very difficult to lead one's life without being selfish, of course if u r not planning 2 take up ascetism or renunciation as a vocation.
Even if u don't want it, the society will force u into it.
I myself agree with the idea of being selfish.
But it has to be apposite. I feel u need to be selfish professionally, otherwise u can't survive or progress.While at the same time, u need to vary ur selfishness coz u can't work in a team with such attitude.
On the other hand, u need to b selfless in relationships, u can't build a relationship with even a pinch of selfishness, it will b crass, n will end sooner than later.

Altuism has a varied meaning, being selfless 2 ur close ones or friends ; while being selfless to the society as a whole has different connotations.
U can't compare the two.
Of course, one who has the former attribute, has a high probability of nurturing the latter.

Summarizing , its tof to manage things, but one needs to hv a split personality, to keep a balance between the two.
There may b times when the balance may shift in one favour, but it shud b our endeavour to put it straight.
Altruism cannot b practised wholeheartedly, u hv 2 selfish at times.

But in the end, one shud try to make an effort to b more selfless than selfish.
It pays.